I nearly lost something very dear to me on Sunday. I'm glad I found it again.
Since young, whenever I lose something, I will never give up looking for it. I remember there was once when I misplaced something that was really important. I was so upset and searched everywhere in the house. I don't ever give up searching because I know whenever I lose things, I'm always the one at fault, and this time likewise. As much as I appear humble to acquaintances, I'm actually full of myself most of the time, especially to those close to me. You may feel it's normal for everyone. But I guess when it starts affecting people close to you in the negative way, you got to slow down, think and find the balance. The balance which is good for everyone you love. I'm glad closed ones around me give me constant reminders on this and never give up. But now, now that I've finally realized this, I hope I can help myself out of this prideful soul.
There was a period of time, when I first got into contact with Buddha's teachings, when I would pray daily. Whenever I prayed, my older sis would tease me and say that I'm full of pretense. Maybe at that time it was true and I stopped doing it after awhile. That's my weakness. I'm always very self-conscious and afraid of judgements. Because of that, I get unhappy very often but instead of searching for the answer within myself, I put the blame on others. I didn't know the reason why I prayed when I was young. However, due to incidents, I realized that whenever I am lost and need to find myself, what I need to do is calm my mind by praying, before reacting. I didn't do it because people around me don't do it. I didn't understand why my older sis, whom I'm a great fan of, doesn't need this to keep her calm. I didn't understand why my younger sis, who is so much younger, realizes and understands things at such a young age without requiring any external help. But now I finally know and admit that everyone is different in their own way. I need it so I got to do it.
I thought that the stages of growing up have already ended since I started teaching, gained more confidence and am proud of what I'm doing. Apparently, I still have a long way to go.
This is my song for the day:
